CHIVALRY

"I can be a bitch," she told him, pulling out a cigarette and holding it in a way that said light this. "I mean it. So if you’re the sensitive type, get out now. ‘Cause I’ll eat you alive."

"Hey, I’m tough," Randy said, trying to sound jokey and confident. "I can take it." He noticed his hand shaking as he held the lighter for her and grimaced self-consciously.

She sucked in a lungful of smoke and blew it at the ceiling, eyeing him appraisingly. "We’ll see," she said disdainfully. "I could use another one of these," she added, making the ice-cubes in her glass rattle.

Randy gestured for the bar-tender, taking the opportunity to feast his eyes on her one more time. Tall and ash-blonde, bone-lean and frigid-looking. Very corporate. Very much his type. And it had been how long since he’d last gotten lucky? Two years? Three? He wasn’t going to pass this one up. If she wanted to verbally decimate him in exchange for letting him warm her bed one night, that was fine with him. The bar scene wasn’t what it used to be.

The next hour limped along. Victoria (God, what a perfect name for her) obviously wasn’t in any hurry to move things along. She signalled for three more drinks and emptied them before she finally got to her feet (a trifle unsteady on those monster heels she wore) and said "Alright, tough-guy. Let’s go."

Randy tried not to be too eager as he helped her out the door, tried not to look too smug in response to the cat-calls from the frat-boys warming a table in the corner. Fuck you assholes! None of you are getting anything this good tonight.

The street was dark and all but empty of cars. "Where are you parked?" she said, slurring a little.

"I...I don’t actually have a car," he stammered.

"So how are we supposed to get back to your place?" she demanded. "Do you expect me to take a bus?" Her tone made it very clear what she thought of that particular possibility.

"We’ll get a cab," he said, trying to sound smooth. Randy stepped out onto the curb, prepared to flag one down, but the approaching headlights all belonged to cars. He squinted and bit his lips for a good thirty seconds, but no cab came.

"It’s cold out here," Victoria said, hugging herself and glaring. Please, he thought desperately. Just one god-damned cab, that’s all I’m asking. He could have gone back into the bar and called one of the local taxi-services, but he wasn’t keen on facing the frat-boys again.

Seconds turned into minutes. The frat-boys came staggering out of the bar, presently, belching and snickering as they passed him. Then they piled into a nearby car and zoomed off. The lights in the bar winked out. Closing-time.

"We’re stranded," Victoria said, her voice nasal and unbelieving. "I am standing out here in the freezing cold with no cabs. I do not believe this."

Randy saw his chances of getting laid growing so faint as to be transparent. He cleared his throat miserably. "I’m sure if we just..."

"I need to pee," she said nastily. "Really bad."

And of course you expect me to do something about it. "The...uh, alleyway..."

Victoria bit her lip and stared over her shoulder at the dark space beside the bar. "I am not going in there alone," she said. "Come on."

He followed her in, watched her squat and do things under her skirt. He cleared his throat and turned discretely away.

"Get over here!" she snarled.

"Huh?" He stumbled over to her. "What is it?"

She smiled nastily. "You don’t expect me to just piss on the sidewalk, do you? Hold out your hands."

Randy licked his lips. She’s drunk. She’s not serious. "Uh, I don’t..."

"You’re a gentleman, aren’t you? You’d put your coat down over a puddle for me to cross over it, wouldn’t you? So you can be my toilet. Come on, tough-guy."

He didn’t believe he was squatting down in front of her, couldn’t believe he was holding his hands cupped underneath her. When he felt them filling up with heat, he was absolutely stunned.

"Mmmm," she purred, licking her lips. "Feels good. Doesn’t it?"

Randy had no reply. His hands were full of steaming piss. When she got up and arranged her underthings with a satisfied little sigh, he was still silent.

"Did you enjoy that? I hope so, because it’s as close as you’re going to come to my pussy tonight, asshole."

Her heels clicked off towards the mouth of the alley. It didn’t really surprise him when the cab pulled up almost immediately and she got in. It certainly didn’t surprise him when it pulled off, carrying her away, gone forever.

He stared into his hands, as though he could read the future in them. When he finally separated them and her piss spattered down on his shoes, it seemed no more than appropriate.

END